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Showing posts from April, 2017

Instincts

Do you trust your instincts? When you hear your inner voice leading you, do you follow? Or have you learned, like too many have, to suppress it in order to make others happy.  We must empower our instincts by breaking outside of other’s expectations and living our truth. Others in your life will have expectations for how you should act, look, and feel, but you must trust your instincts instead.  We tie ourselves up in knots trying to be who they want us to be, and not our true selves; this only leads to disconnection and dissatisfaction. Remember that our instincts are the treasure map for our soul’s satisfaction. So many of us have been crammed into positions for which we have been trained, but which our instincts tell us feel wrong.  So many of us continue in relationships and friendships that feel troublesome instead of heeding our internal warning signs and running the other way. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself; a deeper knowledge and appreciation

10 ways to stay madly in love with each other

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1. Be loving Greet each other at the end of the day with a smile and a welcoming demeanor. 2. Show gratitude Thank each other for your individual roles and tasks. 3. Do not try to take their emotions on Accept each other’s emotions as good or bad and do not take them on as your own. 4. Encourage one another This one took me a long time to figure out. When your partner is negative, you don’t have to be negative back. Validate the negativity or emotion you see in the other person and try to not let it take you over as well. Remember emotions come and go. 5. Don’t try to one-up each other Conversations, while married with children, can often turn into a sparring match of whose day was harder and that’s just not productive. Choose to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and discipline yourself to think of them before yourself. 6. Don’t beat up on your body in front of your man According to my husband, this is extremely unsexy. 7. Men, tell your woman how beautiful she is If yo

The Power of Why

Rumi once said we should look for the answer inside our question. Indeed, the questions we ask ourselves point to the very truths we seek. We ask why we are hurting, yet know the reasons all too well.  We ask why they treat us this way (and how much longer we can take it) yet forget to listen to our own wisdom. We ask which path to follow, yet our intuition keeps pointing towards the light. Still, living with our questions feels like standing on uneven ground; we fear never getting back our footing. But our questions are the roadmap to our truth. Researchers have found that too often we fear asking questions; we stick to a course of action, ignoring our instincts and staying within perceived “safe” parameters.  Yet, asking questions, and making decisions with flexibility and room to change, sets us on course to greater fulfillment and self-agency. Allow yourself to ask why and sit awhile with the unknown.  As uncomfortable as it may seem, there is power in asking why. All of your

10 Stages Of A Relationship- II

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Stage 6: The Lack Of Fulfillment Stage Unlike in the other stages of relationships, your partner is not going to meet all your needs at this point. There will be some things that your partner is not giving to you, and there will be some things that you are not giving to your partner. This will leave both of you slightly unfilled in the relationship, and if you don’t address these issues now, they are going to fester into sore spots that will affect your relationship negatively in the future. That will cause you to fight, feel bad, and possibly break up later on down the road. To make it through this stage, you need to develop a way of talking about your relationship in a safe place where you can work through any issues that have creeped up. Experts recommend sitting down once a week and discussing your relationship. Reflecting on the week past, and which of your needs were not met, will help you fully explain to your partner why you feel like those needs were not met and what they ca

Go for Gold

No one rises to low expectations. One of my colleagues shared that saying with me based on her own classroom experience. To this day, I think it captures a very important part of our company’s culture. It helps bring excellence to life, which is one of our four corporate values. My whole life, I’ve been driven by an innate desire to achieve excellence in anything I put my mind to accomplish. The value transpired in how I engaged with my grades, jobs, sports, and now building my company. One of the most challenging parts of building a business is managing people. I fundamentally believe it is because people do not like the idea of being told what they need to do and by when. They’d much rather have the freedom to decide that on their own. The best managers go beyond those things and engage with their people in a way that gives them ownership over their work and outcomes. As we’ve continued to grow, I’ve realized that excellence has very different outcomes depending on who is interpret

10 Stages of a Relationship

There are 10 distinct stages of relationships, and how you handle each stage will make or break your relationship success. The chances are good that you have already failed in both the beginning stages and the later stages, so if you want to make your current relationship or future relationship successful, it is important to understand where you are going wrong. Stage 1: The Lust Stage Gaining interest in someone is a stage in itself that could be considered part of the relationship. It is a lust stage where you take interest in someone and what you perceive they could offer you, and during this stage the hormones estrogen and testosterone take front and center stage to turn up the heat. The only thing you need to do to make this work is pull out your list of must haves and deal breakers (you have one right?) and take a look at the person through a critical eye rather than a hormonal eye. Yes, they may get your juices flowing, but if they don’t have the qualities that you are lookin

This is how you can stop your breast from sagging

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Wear a Supportive Bra that’s Your Size Getting a supportive fitted bra that is your size will help to give your breasts the support they need. It will also help your breast to resist gravity and reduce bouncing when you walk. This will help reduce strains on the skin and ligaments of your breasts and prevent them from stretching out. Exercise The best way to keep your body young and fit is by engaging in regular physical activity. One of such activities is exercise. As a woman, exercise helps to emphasize the perkiness of your breast. Be sure to wear a well-fitted sport bra during exercise to hold your breast in place, reduce bouncing and prevent the stretching of the skin and ligaments of your breast. Avoid Smoking The chemicals in cigarettes harm the collagen and elastin in your skin making it weaker and less stretchy, which causes wrinkling of the skin and sagging of the breast. Once the skin of your breasts loses elasticity, your breasts will sag, even if you are young. You sh

10 Stages of a Relationship

There are 10 distinct stages of relationships, and how you handle each stage will make or break your relationship success. The chances are good that you have already failed in both the beginning stages and the later stages, so if you want to make your current relationship or future relationship successful, it is important to understand where you are going wrong. Stage 1: The Lust Stage Gaining interest in someone is a stage in itself that could be considered part of the relationship. It is a lust stage where you take interest in someone and what you perceive they could offer you, and during this stage the hormones estrogen and testosterone take front and center stage to turn up the heat. The only thing you need to do to make this work is pull out your list of must haves and deal breakers (you have one right?) and take a look at the person through a critical eye rather than a hormonal eye. Yes, they may get your juices flowing, but if they don’t have the qualities that you are lookin

Quote of the day

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Deep!!!

Quote of the day

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Deep!!!

Leave them behind

   Whether you realize it or not, people who refuse to grow with you simply can't go with you. So often we get so caught up in our emotions that we seem to think that just because someone has been by our side for years that we are entitled to take them with us to each proceeding level of our lives. At some point in your life you must realize that everyone can’t go with you to the next level and here’s why: Some People Are Seasonal Tyler Perry put it best in his hit movie Madea Goes To Jail: Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are. Some People Will Only Remember You From Your Past “Remember when…” we all have those friends who always begins

5 Phrases That Will Radically Revolutionize Your Marriage

Change how you speak and you can change how you live.         We’ve all heard the familiar saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” We learn it when we are young, in hopes of developing a means to protect us from the harmful effects of playground insults. Sadly, though, we all have at least one memory of a cutting phrase that has stuck with us, leaving painful wounds that continue to affect us today. Why does that happen? Why do phrases have such control over us? Modern researchers have begun to pick apart this phenomenon, calling it the “chemistry of conversations.” Evidence suggests that harsh remarks pointed in our direction trigger hormones that create very real physical and mental sensations of distress, and the presence of these hormones can have lasting effects. There is immense power in our words. Nowhere is this more apparent than in marriage. What if we took the time to strengthen our spouses and build them up with constructive words?

4 ways to resolve issues in a relationship

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Relationships can be quite tricky to mend. Regardless, if you value yourselves and hope to move forward with it here are 4 steps to take: 1. Identify the issue: The first step you should take is the one where you try to figure out what’s wrong. Also, you should keep talking about what can be done to mend the relationship. The fact that you know the problem doesn’t mean your partner knows it too. So identify the issue and present it to your partner. 2. Show commitment: If you really want to make things work, both you and your partner should be committed to the relationship’s fixing. It should not only be a one sided affair. Communicate. Talk about it. Talk about ways you can make each other feel better. 3. Show attention to each other attention: Doting over each other would remind you of the feelings you both share, and why the other person is most important to you. Spend quality time with each other, too. 4. Share Your Thoughts And Feelings: You should always share your feelings

No Longer A Victim Step into your power

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Every day we must remember that, “Strength does not come from a physical capacity alone, but from an indomitable will.” Whether we survived physical abuse or emotional pain, our spirit endures.  Inside each of us exists a divine spark--a power and strength that will pull us through the fear, anxiety and fracture. For some of us the traumas constantly hinder our inner peace; try as we may to overcome, the scars run deep.  Surviving trauma changes us as many report suffering everything from insomnia, anxiety, anger, and even feelings of self-blame. But being victimized does not chain us to a life of being a victim. Surviving means that we rebuild, we strengthen ourselves and thrive. Researchers have found proven ways to begin the healing; group therapy, for example is effective at reducing PTSD, anxiety and depression, even more so than individual therapy. Massage and touch therapy also help restore an energetic balance to our bodies, setting us up for healing and renewal. Conqueri

Draw From Your Inner Strength

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You Are Going To Get Through This Remember your strength. It never left you.         Some days you feel that you just can’t keep it together; the weight on your shoulders feels unbearable.  You always tell everyone that you are fine--that you will get through this.  You remind yourself that this too shall pass, but the quiet voice inside worries about all the pressure. It is at this very moment we can whisper back words that have helped pull so many out of darkness:  “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” Truer words were never spoken. He may have left, but you are not broken.  They may have turned their backs, but you are still whole.  Your trials and pain have certainly taken the wind out of your sails, but your strength is greater than you even know. Light up the darkest hours of your life with an unwavering belief in the blazing light of the strength within. 

4 Reasons It's OK To Be Friends With Your Ex

Are you ready to forgive?         Every thirty-six seconds a divorce happens in America--that’s 876,000 a year.  While you may move on, your children are left with the aftermath.  They have to live through every tense interaction between you and your former spouse from this day forward.  Understandably, children who live through a divorce can be found to experience more instances of depression along with feelings of abandonment and rejection.  In your mind not in a million years would you be friends with your ex-husband or ex-wife.  The wounds they’ve inflicted run too deep.  But, as time passes, clinging to the familiar pain drowns your hopes for relief and keeps you all trapped in the hostility. Barring physical and mental abuse, building a new dynamic with your ex provides a way out of the emotional abyss.  Especially when there are children involved, letting go of the expectations of love and moving, however slowly, into a new realm of friendship has many benefits. Empower you

A Happy Spouse Can Help Improve Your Health

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When two people decide to marry, they’re agreeing to love and care for each other until the end of their days. The goal of that union is more than just making oneself happy; it’s also about growing your spouse’s joy as well. As satisfying as it is to have a happy partner, there are more benefits than just happiness at your disposal when you keep a harmonious relationship. A new study published by the American Psychological Association reports that people with happy spouses experience greater overall health. Also, it seems our partners happiness contributes to our well being just as much as our own happiness does. Previous research has found that happy people are generally healthier than people who see themselves as unhappy but this study took it further to find the results of happiness in relationships. Research found that the reason behind the health bump can be attributed to 3 different factors in a relationship. 1. Spousal Support It’s been found that happy partners are more li

Set Down Your Phone And Step Up Your Game

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Your phone might be standing in the way of your success.         If you've ever left your phone at home, you've probably been faced with the strange feeling of disconnection, as if you forgot your voice box for the day. But parting with your most precious technological device can actually be beneficial – not only to your productivity, but to your piece of mind. Nix the Multitasking Science has firmly proven that our brains aren't cut out for multitasking. The problem with all those smart phone apps that are supposed to help with productivity is that they can clutter your life. While a few apps can be helpful, a ton of apps can confuse and interrupt you all day long. The simple answer lies in doing a day-long detox. If the idea of leaving your phone is too much to bare, that’s the first sign you need to log out of your apps or turn your phone off. Eliminate Interruption Aside from the multitasking you do on your phone all day, many professionals are inundated with inte

Are You Ready For A Transformation?

Leave it all behind.         Everywhere it seems that people are working on self-improvement; some work to transform their physique, some their spiritual health and others focus on their relationships. Self-improvement is a powerful first step towards living with greater strength, yet we may be ready for a deeper and more complete transformation of ourselves. Some fix their weight, yet their pain is still there. Others cut ties to those that drain them, yet their anxieties remain.  Transformation is all encompassing and requires us to get real about what ails us. In the natural world, hosts of animals undergo a metamorphosis, changing all aspects of themselves in order to better adapt to their environment.  Similarly, our own metamorphosis awaits. What is it that no longer serves you?  Research has found that people are often stuck in self-defeating behaviors such as: putting ourselves last on our list of priorities, spending money we don’t have on things that are not a priori

How to Stop Being Sarcastic

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Sarcasm is a hurtful, nonproductive way of expressing our frustration or anger with others.         Several years ago, during the morning break at one of my presentations, a female co-worker came up to me and asked, “Do you know you have that hair clip on your bangs?”  I was mortified. In my rush to get out of the house, I’d clamped on the large silver clip to temporarily to set my bangs but had forgotten to remove it when I arrived at work.  Perturbed that my co-worker hadn’t signaled me earlier regarding this fashion faux pas, I resorted to a popular but unwise mode of communication: sarcasm. “Why, of course.  I want it there!” Do you regularly respond to a person or a group’s actions or decisions in a way that is opposite of what you really feel — as evidenced by your tone or body language (smirking, raising eyebrows, cocking your head to the side, or sighing)? Sarcasm can ruin your relationships, as its goal is usually to express irritation, to scorn, belittle, insult, or to s

How To Become A Diamond

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Do you know why we give diamond rings upon engagement? They symbolize a promise that the love felt is as strong as the diamond that crowns the band. Pulled from the depths of the Earth, diamonds are the hardest natural substance in the world and can only be scratched by another diamond. As durable as diamonds are, it’s easy to forget that every diamond started off as coal. It takes extreme amounts of pressure over countless years for carbon to transform but it persists and the end result is a valuable treasure greater than before. And in that way, we must all strive to become diamonds.    Life’s stresses can wear us down to nothing but we can adapt, endure  and become better because of the struggle. A recent study of college students and student athletes found that stress management is not about reducing stress, but learning how to respond to it. The study found that cortisol (known commonly as the stress hormone) is produced no matter what kind of stress you encounter but it do

If A Man Is Interested, He Will Pursue You

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A dating rule for women that should not be ignored.         God has built into a man a strong desire to be the initiator in relationships. That’s part of his manhood. He wants to seize the challenge. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).  It does not say, “She who goes looking!”  A man loves the pursuit. Trust me. When he sees what he wants, he goes after it. If a man you adore is not pursuing you, he is not interested in you. Let’s settle this once and for all. He is not shy. You do not intimidate him. He does not need your help. One of my brothers (who had a lot of experience dating) told me: “If a man is interested, no distance will stand in the way. But if he is not interested, you can live next door, and that’s too far for him to go.” Now if you are determined to take the initiative, to approach a man with free tickets to a concert, Sunday dinner at your place, or access to your new sports car, and he take

Your Internal Dialogue Can Make Or Break You

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It’s time to give yourself the credit you deserve.         Sometimes, no one can be tougher on us than us.  The secret thoughts that live in each of us threaten our peace.  It is one thing to be introspective, or to wonder if we could have done things differently,  but it is another to perpetuate a false, negative internal script. Outwardly we may act as if we have things all together, but inside we level some of our own harshest criticisms.  We must stop beating ourselves up and start giving credit where it’s due! Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that carrying forward a false internal script actually damages our self esteem and threatens our future success. The words we choose to repeat to ourselves matter.  They found that, “small shifts in the language people use to refer to the self during introspection...influence their ability to regulate their thoughts, feelings and behaviors.” We often lie to ourselves (about ourselves) saying words and phrases like:

Speak Abundance: Use Gratitude To Multiply Your Blessings

While speaking on an episode of Oprah Winfrey's "Life Class," T.D. Jakes shared a powerful truth regarding how our attitude affects our circumstance: "Wherever there is appreciation, there is duplication." It's that simple. As we show gratitude for our blessings, they become greater. Here are three practical steps to keep the gratitude flowing and bring more blessings into our lives. 1. Speak Abundance Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret" suggests we start each morning with a practice of repeating, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Right foot down, “Thank you!” Left foot on the ground, “Thank you!” We thank the universe for the gift of life and jump start our day with positivity. It may sound extreme, but why not say thank you to each of the two hundred and six bones in our body? Each bone, from our occipital bone to our phalanges, is vital to our daily functioning. Send them love and radiate your inner health! Researchers at the University of Pen

Let go of the struggle

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There is freedom on the other side.         It is often said that if there is no struggle, there is no progress. Yet, balancing all the parts of our lives shouldn’t require a relentless battle.  Having it “all” should never come at the expense of your mental, physical or spiritual health.  Every one of us has commitments to keep; our families need our support, our work demands our best and our partners expect our loving support.  While we aim to be all things to all people we risk losing ourselves--we risk our internal peace and health. It’s time to lighten your load and ditch the exhaustion. In a recent poll studying why Americans are tired most of the time, over 54% of those surveyed reported feeling tired four or more days a week due to lack of sleep, and insufficient time for self-care.  Both prove detrimental to our overall health. Struggling to balance all the parts of our lives will rob us of the best times in our lives.  Make your own physical, mental and spiritual hea

Know Thyself: 3 Tips For Quickly Identifying Your Strengths

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We’ve all been asked the question: What are your strengths? If it catches you off guard, then it's time to take personal inventory. Your strengths are the foundation of your success. It's important to know which qualities make you stand out. Not only is being aware of your strengths positive for an employer, it also works in your favor. The more hours per day adults believe they use their strengths, reports Gallup, the more likely they are to note having ample energy, feeling well-rested, being happy, smiling or laughing a lot, learning something interesting and being treated with respect. In short, utilizing our strenghts make just about everything better. If you're unsure how to start unlocking your strengths, follow these four tips. 1. What Makes You You? Think about your personal and professional experiences. How have you dealt with high-pressure situations? You’re bound to think of at least three strengths. Not only will you be able to articulate your strengths, yo

Destiny Steps

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Most people who have a destiny were inspired by someone, no matter the field they are in. If it’s football, you can choose a person to whom you can compare yourself from an increasingly large group of athletes. Are you a writer? Who do you believe is a type and shadow of your life’s story? What about film? Does the life and process of Steven Spielberg speak to who you believe you are? No matter the vocation, we all have people we look up to. There was one such Biblical character who not only studied the life of his predecessor, but was in direct contact with him — Joshua. Joshua was Moses’ right-hand man. Joshua saw just about everything Moses ever did. From parting the Red Sea to getting water out of a rock, Joshua was right there, witnessing how God channeled His power through a mere man. Then, Moses died, and Joshua was next in line to lead the people of Israel into their destiny. The mentee becomes the mentor, and God promises Joshua that He will be present in Joshua’s life ju

Let Love Flow

Do you feel lovingly connected to your spouse?  Often partners get lost in the day-to-day grind of life. They forget to be in love; they forget to work at love.  When is the last time you held hands, or each other, for longer than a few seconds? Of the top ten reasons why marriages fail, a lack of communication and not spending quality time together are the most common. If you started remodeling your home, you would identify the projects that needed attention and then dedicate time to manifest the changes. It should be the same with our marriages. We must dedicate our time to connect and remember all the reasons we fell in love in the first place. Strong relationships are based on intimacy as well as shared joy.  Try taking a day off together; spend it doing something you both enjoy.  Get someone to watch the kids for a night, dress up and go to that concert or show you both would love.  At home, instead of escaping into your mobile devices, set them down and sit next to each other

Rehab your rage

We all know someone who seems to always be involved in a conflict. They seem to love to argue, are always itching for a fight, or purposely push all the right buttons to get a rise out of those around them. What makes some people so constant in their anger? The answer may be biological. When we are in the middle of conflict, our “fight or flight” instinct kicks in to help us respond to the perceived danger. This response is initiated by the release of the stress hormone cortisol by the adrenal gland. While cortisol is important to a healthy system, it can also produce a chemical “high” that can be addictive. Normally, cortisol lowers once danger is gone but if a person constantly exposes themselves to high stress situations such as those caused by anger and conflict, their system never completely processes the cortisol. This causes the biological system to remain polluted, so to speak, with the excess chemical. According to Debbie Mandel, stress management specialist and author of

Alone but Not Lonely

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Solitary without the confinement.         Humans are social creatures. With the help of the bonds we form with each other, we’re able to create great works, be the change we want to see happen and find companionship and love. When we come together, there is a strength to be gained for everyone. However, we also need to learn how to be comfortable with being alone. As important as it is to be happy in one’s own company, it’s also a difficult task because, as a society, we equate being alone with some sort of deficiency. This notion has been disproven and the results found that those who identified as loners “had just as much ‘social capital’ — defined by physical attractiveness, height, weight, socioeconomic status, and academic achievement — as their non-lonely peers.” In fact, there are benefits to being periodically alone. 1. Being Alone Offers Brain Benefits One benefit of enjoying some “me time” is that the self-imposed solitude helps spark our creativity. Research conduct

Beware of The Green Eyed Monster

Envy has no place here.         Never before have we had such immediate access into each other’s lives.  While the connections we strengthen through social media are meaningful, there is something to watch out for: envy.  It is said that “Jealousy comes from counting others’ blessings instead of our own.” Many of us feel genuine gratitude as we get to catch up with our friends and family’s pictures, growth and accomplishments on social media, and elsewhere.  But, too often we allow thoughts of comparison and hints of envy to creep in as well. Constant comparison is envy’s gateway.  Have you found yourself looking at someone’s anniversary pictures and wishing your relationship was as solid?  Have you and your wife struggled with infertility only to be saddened by constant pictures of beautiful, thriving babies?  Shakespeare wrote, “Oh beware...of jealousy!  It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock.”  Feelings of jealousy and envy must be healed; they are not worthy of our pea

Are You In A Rush To Determine Your Purpose?

Pt. 7 of an in-depth series on Destiny guided by T.D. Jakes' most popular lessons.         There is nothing like discovering your purpose. Other than your birth, there is no greater moment in your life than the moment you realize the reason you were born. Trust me: There is nothing like it. The instant you discover your purpose, everything begins making sense — what you’ve been through; why you did “this” instead of “that; why this trauma happened; and why God allowed various things to happen in your life that did not happen to others who came from the same background. The problem we often run into is the fact that we compare our “infancy” to the greatness of maturity. We look at the individuals who are living the lives we want to live, and we believe that our first steps into that field will place us on the path to realizing the end results at a much faster rate. After all, we study the “greats”, analyzing their every move. However, reality sets in when we try to utilize our un

The Art of Pitching

The art of pitching is not just reserved for entrepreneurs or sales representatives; it’s also an invaluable skill for young professionals in any field. A pitch can make or break a deal. Let's say you walk into a packed room filled with other talented, career-focused individuals, and there's a well-known executive, influencer or investor you've wanted to connect with present at the event. You make your way over to said person and, after waiting for several minutes, have a chance to chat with him or her. It's clear you only have a few seconds to woo this person with your words. This is where a strong pitch can make or break your interaction. To be able to explain an idea or introduce yourself in 30 seconds or less shows that you’re articulate and have a great grasp of what you bring to the table. So, how do you put together a winning pitch? Here, we outline several tips. 1. Know Your Product Pitch preparation starts well before you enter into a room. Whether pitching