Welcome to Kenze's blog

Everyone, no matter how bad you think the person is, deserves to be in a relationship. However, the reality of the matter is that not everyone is able to stay in one. Even with the several articles on  red flags on a first date , people still go into relationships which do not eventually pass the test of time. So, on one hand there are things to watch out for before dating a person and on the other hand there are factors that can help you make an informed decision before you eventually say “I do”. A broken relationship, it has been said, is better than a broken marriage. Sometimes we don’t choose whom we fall in love with but we choose whom we stay in love with. In other words, you don’t stay in love with someone by mistake, it’s a choice. To buttress this point, Jessica Bunevacz says 'relationships are not all about fun and good times, but all relationships are work'. In light of this, we would examine a few factors to consider in determin...

​The fact  that someone is part of your history  doesn't  necessarily imply that they must be part of your destiny. Know when to draw the  curtain. Whether you realize it or not, people who refuse to grow with you simply can't go with you. So often we get so caught up in our emotions that we seem to think that just because someone has been by our side for years that we are entitled to take them with us to each proceeding level of our lives. At some point in your life you must realize that everyone can’t go with you to the next level and here’s why: Some People Are Seasonal Tyler Perry put it best in his hit movie Madea Goes To Jail: Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or wind blows in your life they are gone. You...

From infancy we're taught that we need to be accountable for our actions. If we hurt someone, we should apologize; if we take something that isn’t ours, we should give it back. As we mature, holding others accountable for their words and actions enables us to live with purpose and integrity. But what happens when those in our lives struggle with being held accountable for their actions? Here are 3 reasons why it is more than OK to hold others accountable: 1. Their word is their bond. A study on accountability found that when people know that they are being held accountable for their words they exhibit greater complexity of thought and actions. With clear limits in place they had to explain their motivations in greater depth and were more likely to be bound by their word. It’s crucial to be impeccable with our words and actions and to expect this from others. If their word is not their bond, your trust in them will waiver. If a spouse or friend doesn't follow through, w...

The word 'friend' has overtine being used wrongly by people. Some folks find it hard to differentiate between a colleague and a friend. They cal everyone that talks to them friend. Really hilarious! As far as I'm concerned thats just a petty show of ignorance rather than simplicity, as some may call it. T.D Jakes outlined three categories of friends namely comrades (those who against what you are against), constituents (those who are for what you are for) and confidantes (those who are for you). I believe this description and categorisation of friends aptly captures and describes the world of friendship. Apart from those with whom we share a romantic relationship, friends are an alternate set of people that have the capacity to break our hearts, 'cos when you trust someone you ultimately give them the power to hurt. The reason why heartbreaks are so traumatizing is not necessarily what was done itself but by whom it was done. Be mindful of who you give the power of...

Deep!!!

Are you ready to forgive?         Every thirty-six seconds a divorce happens in America--that’s 876,000 a year.  While you may move on, your children are left with the aftermath.  They have to live through every tense interaction between you and your former spouse from this day forward.  Understandably, children who live through a divorce can be found to experience more instances of depression along with feelings of abandonment and rejection.  In your mind not in a million years would you be friends with your ex-husband or ex-wife.  The wounds they’ve inflicted run too deep.  But, as time passes, clinging to the familiar pain drowns your hopes for relief and keeps you all trapped in the hostility. Barring physical and mental abuse, building a new dynamic with your ex provides a way out of the emotional abyss.  Especially when there are children involved, letting go of the expectations of love and movin...

We’ve all been asked the question: What are your strengths? If it catches you off guard, then it's time to take personal inventory. Your strengths are the foundation of your success. It's important to know which qualities make you stand out. Not only is being aware of your strengths positive for an employer, it also works in your favor. The more hours per day adults believe they use their strengths, reports Gallup, the more likely they are to note having ample energy, feeling well-rested, being happy, smiling or laughing a lot, learning something interesting and being treated with respect. In short, utilizing our strenghts make just about everything better. If you're unsure how to start unlocking your strengths, follow these four tips. 1. What Makes You You? Think about your personal and professional experiences. How have you dealt with high-pressure situations? You’re bound to think of at least three strengths. Not only will you be able to articulate your strengths, yo...

We’ve all been asked the question: What are your strengths? If it catches you off guard, then it's time to take personal inventory. Your strengths are the foundation of your success. It's important to know which qualities make you stand out. Not only is being aware of your strengths positive for an employer, it also works in your favor. The more hours per day adults believe they use their strengths, reports Gallup, the more likely they are to note having ample energy, feeling well-rested, being happy, smiling or laughing a lot, learning something interesting and being treated with respect. In short, utilizing our strenghts make just about everything better. If you're unsure how to start unlocking your strengths, follow these four tips. 1. What Makes You You? Think about your personal and professional experiences. How have you dealt with high-pressure situations? You’re bound to think of at least three strengths. Not only will you be able to articulate your strengths, yo...

Human behavior is a fascinating and frustrating thing. Learning about ourselves is useful to identify troubling behavior that can stand in the way of fulfillment, but identifying internal issues doesn’t always prepare us for recognizing them in others. Life would be easier if people walked around wearing warning signs for us to heed, but there’s no chance of seeing “Hazard Ahead” or “Dead End” around the necks of others. Since the warning signs of danger aren’t always literal, it’s important to learn how to identify toxic behavior in others. 1. Judgment is their native language. The old adage goes that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, but toxic individuals never seem to take that advice to heart. They usually have no kind words to say about anyone and are perpetrators of gossip, negative opinions, and general discouragement. Although mean natured, this alone doesn’t mean they’re toxic...

Sometimes moving on can be a very painful exercise, especially when we find ourselves emotionally hooked to the person that hurt us, albeit involuntarily. We sometimes find ourselves wanting someone who we don't really need. Love is a  very complex phenomenon and may most likely not make sense most of the time. There are several reasons why many folks find it very hard to move on. However, one major reason why people find it hard to move on is because they think the person who hurt them won. When you feel like the other person won, it makes it very hard for you to let go because no one likes to lose. The thought of being a loser alone fuels more anger in you and makes you more bitter towards the person. It also makes it tougher for you to forgive the person. You have to understand that love is not a game and should not be treated as such. In every game, two opposing sides play against each other and they both aim at winning. This is not the case with love. When two people are in ...

We should all “love in a way that makes the other person feel free.” Real love in our lives, whether from friends or family, should never bring us pain.  We should be loved in a way that makes us feel free--free and encouraged to grow into our best selves.  Do you feel free?  Do you feel uplifted and valued by those you love? Real love is life; it nurtures our spirit and wraps us in authentic comfort.  We are seen, acknowledged and considered. In fact, our psychological well-being is directly linked to feeling supported and nurtured in our relationships.  We have a hierarchy of needs that drive us towards self-actualization and personal fulfillment.  Real love from our family and friends adds to our feelings of belonging, security and esteem.  Love inspires a connectedness that uplifts and endures; its basis is mutual respect and admiration.  Closely examine the ways that you give and receive love in your own life.  It...

Know what is and what is not in a relationship

True and good friends are to be treasured because they are not so easy to come by. But in life, we make mistakes because we’re human and sometimes people who love each other and think very highly of each other fall out because of offences from one or both parties. The loss of such a valuable relationship can be very painful and leave a hole in both lives. Repairing such a friendship and reconciling with your friend will bring healing and help you to get on with your lives better. Even in the event that such reconciliation fails, knowing that you tried helps to provide closure. Making an effort to reconcile with an estranged friend is a sign of humility and willingness to forgive. It is a venture that is worth the try because good friendships help to alleviate the troubles of life, provide us with support and give us the gift of persons that we can share the ups and downs of life with. These steps below are suggestions what can be done to bring about reconciliation with an estra...

Whether you realize it or not, people who refuse to grow with you simply can't go with you. So often we get so caught up in our emotions that we seem to think that just because someone has been by our side for years that we are entitled to take them with us to each proceeding level of our lives. At some point in your life you must realize that everyone can’t go with you to the next level and here’s why: Some People Are Seasonal Tyler Perry put it best in his hit movie Madea Goes To Jail: Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are. Some People Will Only Remember You From Your Past “Remember when…” we all have those friends who alwa...