Welcome to Kenze's blog

Ever wonder what the secret is to leading a good life? There seems to be one study that has finally solved the burning question. Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger is a director of a long running study on adult development conducted by Harvard University. Since 1938, the 75 year old study has observed 724 young men. They were divided into two groups: sophomore college students who went off to graduate and serve in World War II, and young male teenagers who lived in some of the poorest neighborhoods of Boston, Massachusetts in the 1930's. When they entered the study, they were interviewed, given medical exams, and their families were interviewed as well. Their lives remained under observation for several decades. The observations included surveys, interviews, and records of behavior during specific life events. The result of these observations were definitely interesting –– in some cases, they were extraordinary. Some of them have gone on to climb the social ladder, one became t...

One of the greatest resources that you can have in the world today is relationships. Everything in our world operates based on our relationships and connections. The connections that we establish, whether with our coworkers, church groups, friends or partner feed us spiritually and emotionally.  When life hits a rough patch these connections uplift us and see us through the darkest roads. Yet, all too often, we are the ones continually giving our time, support and energy to those who take us for granted. We deserve the real thing and can no longer suffer through one-sided exchanges. In his book about enduring partnerships and love, an award winning researcher at the University of Maryland found that a key to fulfilling relationships is to have common values and expectations for each other.  His research found that people settle for unfulfilling relationships far too often, yet those in successful relationships were both “courteous, flexible, trusting, good-natured a...

1. Be loving Greet each other at the end of the day with a smile and a welcoming demeanor. 2. Show gratitude Thank each other for your individual roles and tasks. 3. Do not try to take their emotions on Accept each other’s emotions as good or bad and do not take them on as your own. 4. Encourage one another This one took me a long time to figure out. When your partner is negative, you don’t have to be negative back. Validate the negativity or emotion you see in the other person and try to not let it take you over as well. Remember emotions come and go. 5. Don’t try to one-up each other Conversations, while married with children, can often turn into a sparring match of whose day was harder and that’s just not productive. Choose to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and discipline yourself to think of them before yourself. 6. Don’t beat up on your body in front of your man According to my husband, this is extremely unsexy. 7. Men, tell you...

Do you feel lovingly connected to your spouse?  Often partners get lost in the day-to-day grind of life. They forget to be in love; they forget to work at love.  When is the last time you held hands, or each other, for longer than a few seconds? Of the top ten reasons why marriages fail, a lack of communication and not spending quality time together are the most common. If you started remodeling your home, you would identify the projects that needed attention and then dedicate time to manifest the changes. It should be the same with our marriages. We must dedicate our time to connect and remember all the reasons we fell in love in the first place. Strong relationships are based on intimacy as well as shared joy.  Try taking a day off together; spend it doing something you both enjoy.  Get someone to watch the kids for a night, dress up and go to that concert or show you both would love.  At home, instead of escaping into your mobile devices, set them down and...

Sometimes moving on can be a very painful exercise, especially when we find ourselves emotionally hooked to the person that hurt us, albeit involuntarily. We sometimes find ourselves wanting someone who we don't really need. Love is a  very complex phenomenon and may most likely not make sense most of the time. There are several reasons why many folks find it very hard to move on. However, one major reason why people find it hard to move on is because they think the person who hurt them won. When you feel like the other person won, it makes it very hard for you to let go because no one likes to lose. The thought of being a loser alone fuels more anger in you and makes you more bitter towards the person. It also makes it tougher for you to forgive the person. You have to understand that love is not a game and should not be treated as such. In every game, two opposing sides play against each other and they both aim at winning. This is not the case with love. When two people are in ...

We should all “love in a way that makes the other person feel free.” Real love in our lives, whether from friends or family, should never bring us pain.  We should be loved in a way that makes us feel free--free and encouraged to grow into our best selves.  Do you feel free?  Do you feel uplifted and valued by those you love? Real love is life; it nurtures our spirit and wraps us in authentic comfort.  We are seen, acknowledged and considered. In fact, our psychological well-being is directly linked to feeling supported and nurtured in our relationships.  We have a hierarchy of needs that drive us towards self-actualization and personal fulfillment.  Real love from our family and friends adds to our feelings of belonging, security and esteem.  Love inspires a connectedness that uplifts and endures; its basis is mutual respect and admiration.  Closely examine the ways that you give and receive love in your own life.  It...