Welcome to Kenze's blog

Some women in the society today seem to prefer to remain single, as a result of the recent spate of lazy guys who prefer to depend on their wives rather work and be the breadwinners in their home. The continuous rise of women's rights has been part of the impetus for the lack of interest of women in marriage. However, there are several reasons why some women decline to get married. 1. Women have become the person they eventually wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem said “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry”. We are strong and independent enough to take care of ourselves. We don’t need a man to do that for us anymore. Women are self-sufficient and so they are getting married less as compared to the old tradition. 2. Successful women are a threat to most men Men don’t like it when they feel their masculinity is threatened in any way and especially when it’s from the opposite gender. Men usually don’t like being with a woman who makes him feel inf...

​Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. We may have some limited ability to change the weather, but we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don't fully understand. Similarly, we can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love. Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires. Love is inherently free. It ca...

The thought of February 14 ignites the flame of love in the hearts of many. Its usually seen as a `Love and Romance Certified day'. Many guys have a tendency of looking for ways to break-up before this day in order to avoid spending  ton of cash while some other willing spenders desperately go in search of someone to spend the Valentine's day with. Although, no one can tell the aftermath hurried communion. Its Valentine Day 2018. By the way what really is this Valentine's Day that lovers would not give us breathing space. There are several stories suggesting the origin of Valentine's day. For example, one legend records that Valentine was a 3rd century Priest in Rome, who went ahead to marry young lovers, in defiance of the law which stated that single men made better soldiers than married men. Another legend suggests that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According ...

​ The term Love cannot be boxed into one definition. Everyone choose what it means to them and how they express it. Away from the societal definition, I decided to undertake a scholarly view of love- how it comes and what it means- in order to see love from different perspectives. Join me on this journey as wr learn from two schools of thought; the philosophers and the psychologists. It may seem doubtful that philosophers have much to tell us about love (beyond their love of wisdom). Surely it is the poets who have the market cornered when it comes to deep reflection on the nature of love. John and Ken question the notion that love cannot be captured by the light of reason by turning their attention to the philosophy of love with philosopher-poet Troy Jollimore from CSU Chico. Troy is the author of Love’s Vision, as well as two collections of poems: At Lake Scugog and 2006's Tom Thomson in Purgatory, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award.  Many people hav...

Have you ever regretted decisions that have reshaped your life, whether for better or for worse? At a recent get-together with a couple of friends, we became so relaxed, some of us started discussing our dead marriages. Out of about 12 of us in the group, only three were currently in their ‘husbands’ homes, we’ve all fared pretty well after the divorce, but would any of us have wished she’s acted differently, knowing how mercurial the state of matrimony is now? “The end of my marriage came as a terrible shock to me,” confessed Abi, a pharmacist running a lucrative chemist. “But it shouldn’t have. Even though I was with my husband for over 15 years, the cracks had started shortly after the birth of our third son. “We never really stopped to address the reasons why we seldom turned on each other, why sex had been so mechanical it had lost its pleasure. Instead, we limped along for another eight years when the end finally came. And i...

This is a Guest Post. Dont get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing! That was the verdict passed by our very own DBanj. What the koko crooner failed to add, however, is that the beauty of love fades away at the point of marriage, at least in Africa. Marriage, which should be the apex of love affairs, has become a sad albatross in the love adventure simply because of the many barriers we put in the way all in the name of tradition. Oh, how I hate that word with perfect hatred! I am speaking here in reference to the many stages of marriage rites in African cultures which discourage rather than strengthen marriage. The worst and pivotal part of these rites of passage is the payment of bride price to obtain the lady and have her for keeps. Before putting my pen to paper, I floated the idea of the termination of bride price payment before a random cross-section of people of different age groups and traditional and educational leanings. Most of the responses I got toed the line of How...

The world has become so complex today that to actually find a partner who doesn’t cheat is becoming increasingly tougher by the day. Truthfully, no one goes into a relationship with a guy/girl who would cheat on them. For example, 70% of the ladies I speak to, tell me that their greatest turn off in a relationship is a guy who cheats. Now do not get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that its only guys that cheat, ‘cos we all know that both guys and girls cheat alike. However, it’s really not easy to spot a cheater, as there’s no sure-fire way to know who would and would not cheat/. Relationships vary and people have several reasons why they cheat. Even with the fact that there are different ways to cheat as well as different reasons why people cheat; there are a several traits that habitual cheaters share in common. A few of these habits would be looked at below. *They are glued to Their Phone Being glued to their phone is a common habit of people who cheat. They always ensur...

1. Men need three things . Before we got married, a good friend of the family gave me HER favorite advice and it stuck. From Dr. Laura’s book The Care and Feeding of Husbands, she told me men need three things: food, sex, and a girlfriend. In other words, their needs are not usually as complicated {some are, but that’s another post…}. I made sure to remember the first two often, but the “girlfriend” part is important. While you can and will be “the mom” of the house, no man wants to be married to his mom, so don’t be one to him. This thought has stopped me multiple times from turning into that naggy mom that I can be to my 3 year old all day, and causes me to see him as my boyfriend, my partner, who needs attention from me as his friend, and no one else. 2. Pray together every day . when we got home from our honeymoon, and we were settling in for the night that first night back to reality, we climbed into bed, and my sweet husband went ...

TRUST: THE CRUX OF THE MATTER It is a better compliment to be trusted than to be loved. I read that from John C. Maxwell, and ever since Ive wondered what makes trust such a scarce commodity even in places where love is superabundant. Now, it seems quite ironical that trust should be central to such a concept as pretence because the two seem to harbour mutual animosity. Im sure, however, that even you reading this would, at one time or the other, have dealt in pretence, prevarication, or  even outright lying to someone just cause you knew they trusted you enough to hang on to your every word. Thus, I dont need to remind you that the trust they had in you was the very reason you got away with that act. Right, weve established a connection, so lets begin to cut a little deeper. Ill start by telling you something about myself. Basically, Im a lawbreaker; a lawbreaker in the sense that I learn the rules of my environment just for the purpose of knowing how best to break them and rec...

One of the best pieces of relationship advice I’ve come across goes thus: “A great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning but how well you continue building love until the end”. Thus, the first step in building a great relationship is finding the right person. As such, in bid to avoid a wrong and abusive relationship, some folks tend to look forward to finding the ‘perfect one’ but as you would have come to learn, this is just a myth. Hence building great and healthy relationships requires the coming together of two ‘imperfect’ people who are ready to make a conscious effort to create their own kind of ‘perfect relationship’. Against this backdrop, below are traits that make a great relationship. True Love Even though it takes more than love to sustain a relationship, true love is still a key factor in sustaining a relationship. Overtime, the word ‘love’ has been used conf...

By all accounts, you’re a successful business person. You’ve put a lot of thought and work into moving ahead and now you’re reaping the rewards. For some people, though, professional success can come at the expense of personal relationships.  But that doesn’t have to happen to you.  In fact, the very same habits that propel you to business success can work wonders in your romantic life. Employ these 3 habits and to make the most of your date night. 1. Keep Your Appointments You didn’t become successful by constantly rescheduling your important business meetings. Honor the time you’ve set aside for your significant other in the same way by keeping your appointments.  Your commitment to spend time together will keep your love going no matter how busy your work schedule gets. 2. Have An Agenda The most productive business meetings operate by an agenda, and the same is true for date night. Have a concrete plan for how you want your da...

Life is too short to leave important words unsaid. We rush through life working and tackling day-to-day concerns, but often forget to stop ourselves to connect with those we love. The permanent residents of our hearts deserve to know the depth of our love and appreciation for them. Our best friends, siblings, parents and spouses walk with us on our journey through life. Yet, when asked, one of the things that people on their deathbeds regret the most is not expressing their emotions--not telling those they loved how much they meant to them. Let’s free the love in our hearts as we realize these three reasons to tell someone you love them, today: 1. Tomorrow is not promised. The average human life lasts 657,000 days, if we live to be seventy-five. Thousands of these hours will be spent in ways we can’t control: work, traffic and meetings. What we can have say over is how we share love in our lives.  We should radiate love and connection.  Tell every person that you love h...

Beautiful n Thoughtful

You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about limiting beliefs and how they hold you back from doing the things you want the most. Most people have a lot of limiting beliefs that affect their career, health, and current relationships negatively. But when it comes to single people who are looking for love, having their lives affected negatively is an understatement. Because our relationships affect every area of our lives, it’s important to get rid of the limiting beliefs that hold us back from finding the perfect person or having a great relationship. I see a lot of common limiting beliefs on Twitter and Facebook. I see them in the comment sections on popular dating blogs. I even hear them from my friends and their friends. And, it seems like they are getting stronger and stronger and making it really hard for single people to find real love. If you are single and want to find real love – the kind that makes you happy for the rest of your life – then you need to de...

Do you feel lovingly connected to your spouse?  Often partners get lost in the day-to-day grind of life. They forget to be in love; they forget to work at love. When is the last time you held hands, or each other, for longer than a few seconds? Of the top ten reasons why marriages fail, a lack of communication and not spending quality time together are the most common. If you started remodeling your home, you would identify the projects that needed attention and then dedicate time to manifest the changes. It should be the same with our marriages. We must dedicate our time to connect and remember all the reasons we fell in love in the first place. Strong relationships are based on intimacy as well as shared joy.  Try taking a day off together; spend it doing something you both enjoy.  Get someone to watch the kids for a night, dress up and go to that concert or show you both would love. At home, instead of escaping into your mobile devices, set them down and sit next to...

1. Be loving Greet each other at the end of the day with a smile and a welcoming demeanor. 2. Show gratitude Thank each other for your individual roles and tasks. 3. Do not try to take their emotions on Accept each other’s emotions as good or bad and do not take them on as your own. 4. Encourage one another This one took me a long time to figure out. When your partner is negative, you don’t have to be negative back. Validate the negativity or emotion you see in the other person and try to not let it take you over as well. Remember emotions come and go. 5. Don’t try to one-up each other Conversations, while married with children, can often turn into a sparring match of whose day was harder and that’s just not productive. Choose to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and discipline yourself to think of them before yourself. 6. Don’t beat up on your body in front of your man According to my husband, this is extremely unsexy. 7. Men, tell you...

Stage 6: The Lack Of Fulfillment Stage Unlike in the other stages of relationships, your partner is not going to meet all your needs at this point. There will be some things that your partner is not giving to you, and there will be some things that you are not giving to your partner. This will leave both of you slightly unfilled in the relationship, and if you don’t address these issues now, they are going to fester into sore spots that will affect your relationship negatively in the future. That will cause you to fight, feel bad, and possibly break up later on down the road. To make it through this stage, you need to develop a way of talking about your relationship in a safe place where you can work through any issues that have creeped up. Experts recommend sitting down once a week and discussing your relationship. Reflecting on the week past, and which of your needs were not met, will help you fully explain to your partner why you feel like those needs were not met and what th...

Change how you speak and you can change how you live.         We’ve all heard the familiar saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” We learn it when we are young, in hopes of developing a means to protect us from the harmful effects of playground insults. Sadly, though, we all have at least one memory of a cutting phrase that has stuck with us, leaving painful wounds that continue to affect us today. Why does that happen? Why do phrases have such control over us? Modern researchers have begun to pick apart this phenomenon, calling it the “chemistry of conversations.” Evidence suggests that harsh remarks pointed in our direction trigger hormones that create very real physical and mental sensations of distress, and the presence of these hormones can have lasting effects. There is immense power in our words. Nowhere is this more apparent than in marriage. What if we took the time to st...

There is freedom on the other side.         It is often said that if there is no struggle, there is no progress. Yet, balancing all the parts of our lives shouldn’t require a relentless battle.  Having it “all” should never come at the expense of your mental, physical or spiritual health.  Every one of us has commitments to keep; our families need our support, our work demands our best and our partners expect our loving support.  While we aim to be all things to all people we risk losing ourselves--we risk our internal peace and health. It’s time to lighten your load and ditch the exhaustion. In a recent poll studying why Americans are tired most of the time, over 54% of those surveyed reported feeling tired four or more days a week due to lack of sleep, and insufficient time for self-care.  Both prove detrimental to our overall health. Struggling to balance all the parts of our lives will rob us of t...

Do you feel lovingly connected to your spouse?  Often partners get lost in the day-to-day grind of life. They forget to be in love; they forget to work at love.  When is the last time you held hands, or each other, for longer than a few seconds? Of the top ten reasons why marriages fail, a lack of communication and not spending quality time together are the most common. If you started remodeling your home, you would identify the projects that needed attention and then dedicate time to manifest the changes. It should be the same with our marriages. We must dedicate our time to connect and remember all the reasons we fell in love in the first place. Strong relationships are based on intimacy as well as shared joy.  Try taking a day off together; spend it doing something you both enjoy.  Get someone to watch the kids for a night, dress up and go to that concert or show you both would love.  At home, instead of escaping into your mobile devices, set them down and...