The Fine Art of Pretence- V

Impedance = Z

Well, you know what they say: ‘Whatever has an advantage also has a disadvantage’? Pretence, as fine an art as it is, isn’t any different. Sometimes you’re not so sure something will work. Scientists call it Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, but here we’ll call it the impedance to pretence. Now, let’s go on to look into some factors that could curtail or impede the workability coefficient of The Fine Art of Pretence.

First on the list is KNOWLEDGE. You know that thing about your not wanting to know something because you can’t face it and yet you can’t hide from it? Or how it's so hard to hide when you think the very person you're trying to hide from has already seen you? Let’s face it: knowledge is power. Yeah, I know some folks have become so philosophical with that cliché, albeit expectedly, that they now aver that knowledge is power only when applied. I don’t know what more to say to such unreasonable fellows except that it is wrong to criticize what you do not understand. Science says we have two kinds of energy—potential (passive) and kinetic (active) energy. Knowledge not applied is potential energy and knowledge in action is kinetic energy. It’s that simple.

There is something about knowledge that helps the enlightened mind see through a charade. I used to have a lecturer, Mr. Obinta, back then in the university who would say, ‘Let me help you enlighten your ignorance and illuminate your darkness’. And he would really mean it. That’s really the edge psychologists have. You don’t go pretending before a psychologist because they already read you like the palm of their hand the moment you walked through the door. It’s the same thing with people who have been around you for a long while: very few things you do will ever have them taken by surprise. Any new character you try to invent will be mere theatrics; they’re only waiting for you to snap out of it—as you surely will.

It happens a lot with me. My friends know that I’m not the gentlemanly sort, so whenever the ladies around me see me open doors or draw chairs for them, they know it’s just a show. They would always say to stop pretending to be a gentleman (imagine, they don’t even give me a chance to change). At other times, when I start running the sugar-coated edge of my tongue with flattery, they have learnt not to let it get into their heads because the very next minute could witness the other, caustic edge of the sword characterized by sarcasm. The funny thing is, they seem to love me and multiply their presence around me even as much as I pulverize them. That’s a phenomenon I’ve never fully understood, but I intend to cultivate that love till the end of my days. So help me, God.

Next to knowledge is TIMING. If time is life, then timing is living. I remember the story of a man who, being a fugitive from his own country, fled to take up residence in another. (This story is real life and happened in the Middle East.) He was taken before the governor of the city in which he proposed to dwell, and was just sensitive enough to perceive that the chiefs of the city were not favourably disposed towards him. Right there he began to foam at the mouth and simulate increasing levels of insanity until the governor, in a rage, chided them for bringing a mad man before him and ordered him thrown out. That was how he escaped to another city.

You see, timing is closely tied to sensitivity. Whoever has watched a wrestling match between Shawn Michaels and Yokozuna would concur with me on this. Do you recall how Shawn would exert just enough energy to keep himself in the fight and actually allow Yokozuna the pleasure of throwing him to the ground? The grand moment for Shawn was always when Yokozuna, obese as he was, would climb over the ring and make to descend full impact with his buttocks on the former. Shawn would simply dodge and leave, in his wake, a Yokozuna in throes of pain. Shawn climbs over and secures an easy victory when the referee makes three counts and the big man can’t get up. That’s the spirit of timing and sensitivity.

When prepared sensitivity meets..

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