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Have you ever heard the old saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?” This turn of phrase explains the fact that those who speak up get what they want in life and it’s a very useful piece of advice. In fact, researchers have found that those who often and consistently ask for help are less likely to be turned down for assistance as opposed to those who ask once and stop pursuing help after the first rejection. Helpers are more responsive to satisfying our needs if we simply request it. Though, even knowing this, it’s still so hard for many of us to ask for what we want. We suffer from the fear of rejection and might feel guilt over burdening another by asking for their help. The key to overcoming these hang ups lay in the approach we use in asking for help. We just have to learn how to do it right. 1. Get To The Point Clear communication can make you or break you. When asking for what you want, be direct. Skirting around your request or asking it in an ambiguous way will only

We all know that it’s important to slow down sometimes for the good of our health, but the benefits of taking it easy can actually increase productivity as well. Limiting action and allocating more time for restfulness doesn’t have to mean trading in productivity. There are a few cases were slowing down will still get the most out of our time. 1. Schedule everything; especially time for yourself. The first rule of time management is effective scheduling and a small way to do that is by making lists. Writing things down is a powerful tool because putting goals into words makes them more likely to be achieved. Writing things down helps to unjumble the many priorities and responsibilities that require your attention. Making a to do list, for example, cuts out time that would have been spent trying to organize and reorganize priorities. Research by Human Behavioral Specialist Dr. John Demetri has shown that making lists to break down large projects into smaller tasks also cuts down o

Deep!!!

A life lived to it’s fullest is usually a life that is busy and bustling. Amidst the daily grind of work, family, and relationships, it’s remarkably easy to overlook small but important parts of our lives. However, those aspects are even more crucial to maintaining our happiness when life is its most hectic. Our largest source of revitalization can actually come from a very familiar place: our friends. When we are feeling the strains of a frantic day, a short call to our best friends is the perfect boost that’ll reset our resolve, restart our determination, and remind us that someone’s in our corner. Here’s 3 reasons why you need to call your best friend. 1. A Happy Heart Is A Healthy Heart. Even when surrounded by people, it’s easy to feel lonely if we are too involved and too busy to engage with the people around us. That loneliness can be heartbreaking-- literally! John Cacioppo, a social psychologist from University of Chicago, has found in his research that loneliness has

Life is too short to leave important words unsaid. We rush through life working and tackling day-to-day concerns, but often forget to stop ourselves to connect with those we love. The permanent residents of our hearts deserve to know the depth of our love and appreciation for them. Our best friends, siblings, parents and spouses walk with us on our journey through life. Yet, when asked, one of the things that people on their deathbeds regret the most is not expressing their emotions--not telling those they loved how much they meant to them. Let’s free the love in our hearts as we realize these three reasons to tell someone you love them, today: 1. Tomorrow is not promised. The average human life lasts 657,000 days, if we live to be seventy-five. Thousands of these hours will be spent in ways we can’t control: work, traffic and meetings. What we can have say over is how we share love in our lives.  We should radiate love and connection.  Tell every person that you love how much t

Do you realize your singleness is a gift? I'm embarrassed to think how much precious time I've wasted over the years dreaming and longing for a loving relationship. One day, I realized that my singleness is actually a precious gift. My initial reaction was, "No, let this gift pass me by. I want to give it back. I want a man. I want to be a wife." However, I finally accepted that this gift, like every gift from God, is good. While single make the most of your singleness. Accept it. Embrace it. Maximize it. Why not celebrate this season? There are specific things you are to learn, develop, and do. There are places to go and people's lives to impact. Why waste this season focusing on what you don't have when you could be making the most of this opportunity? Live in the present, not in the future. Seize every opportunity, because tomorrow is not promised. Let's say you are 25 years old and you can buy a house, but you refuse to because your dream is to buy y

The time has come to close the door to the past. We may have already cut toxic ties to unhealthy people and situations in our lives. But cutting ourselves loose from our old way of being the old “us”,opens the doors of growth. Ernest Hemingway wrote, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man.  True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.” In fact, leaving your old self behind--the one filled with guilt, anger, hopelessness, insecurity and uncertainty--ushers in a freedom too sweet to pass up. In fact, researchers have found concrete steps to promote lasting changes as we move forward.  These five stages of change: precontemplation , contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance support our personal growth. Precontemplation In this stage we work towards an awareness of our negative patterns but don’t yet act. Contemplation With absolute clarity, we see the behaviors/patterns in our lives which no longer serve us and can envision the type of

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Trust God to never leave you

Being nice is not enough sometimes. It is not enough for you to just be a nice person or a good person . You may wonder what I mean by this statement but its the fact. Sometimes we come across people who are so calm and nice but they have one major flaw that makes their nice character look useless. It is not enough for you to be in a relationship with anyone just because the person is nice. Outside being nice, there are certain responsibilities we all have and if your partner is not able to meet up with those things, then you have a major problem. It's funny though when you ask some folks why they are dating whoever they are dating and their response is "he's such a nice person" or "she's such a nice person". Now let me state this clearly being nice in reality would not sustain a relationship. I realise a good attitude is a very important factor in the sustainance  of a relationship, however it is the only factor. How would you cope with a nice person

Beautiful n Thoughtful

Pain is real, heart-wrenching and a massive burden to carry.  Indeed, if those around us could see the pain and grief that we carry inside they would weep right along with us. Yet, dwelling on our pain puts it on the highest pedestal of our lives. It doesn’t deserve the prominence. Living with the burden of daily emotional pain buries our hopes. Relief is available; remember these three reasons why it’s OK to set down your pain once and for all: 1. You owe it to your body. Researchers found that emotional pain can hurt more than physical pain. Since we can re-live emotional pain, its effects cut us to our core. Your pain is hurting your productivity, thought process and creativity as your synapsis are continually flooded with negative hormones.  Since new experiences cause physiological changes in the brain itself, set your pain down and begin the healing. 2. Don’t let the grief define you. The pain you feel often originates from past trauma. From the death of a close loved one,

From infancy we're taught that we need to be accountable for our actions. If we hurt someone, we should apologize; if we take something that isn’t ours, we should give it back. As we mature, holding others accountable for their words and actions enables us to live with purpose and integrity. But what happens when those in our lives struggle with being held accountable for their actions? Here are 3 reasons why it is more than OK to hold others accountable: 1. Their word is their bond. A study on accountability found that when people know that they are being held accountable for their words they exhibit greater complexity of thought and actions. With clear limits in place they had to explain their motivations in greater depth and were more likely to be bound by their word. It’s crucial to be impeccable with our words and actions and to expect this from others. If their word is not their bond, your trust in them will waiver. If a spouse or friend doesn't follow through, whet

The word 'friend' has overtine being used wrongly by people. Some folks find it hard to differentiate between a colleague and a friend. They cal everyone that talks to them friend. Really hilarious! As far as I'm concerned thats just a petty show of ignorance rather than simplicity, as some may call it. T.D Jakes outlined three categories of friends namely comrades (those who against what you are against), constituents (those who are for what you are for) and confidantes (those who are for you). I believe this description and categorisation of friends aptly captures and describes the world of friendship. Apart from those with whom we share a romantic relationship, friends are an alternate set of people that have the capacity to break our hearts, 'cos when you trust someone you ultimately give them the power to hurt. The reason why heartbreaks are so traumatizing is not necessarily what was done itself but by whom it was done. Be mindful of who you give the power of

Through all of your tears and heartache, God is working on you! God’s fingers are in your failures! Are you in a season where people have hurt or disappointed you? Do you at times feel as though you are under attack from those closest to you? God will use your enemies to change you more than He’ll use your friends (2 Corinthians 10:4). When God touches you, He will everything to touch you! What is God doing to get YOUR attention - He is ready to give you a personal touch! He is the Potter and we are the clay (Isaiah 64:8). He touches cracked people to lift and re-form them! It is time for you to change your perspective on the things you are going through. While you are in the midst of a difficult situation, it may sound cliche, but everything you are experiencing is truly working together for your good (Romans 8:28). Those things that have disturbed you, taken you from your comfort zone and hurt you deeply were your time of famine - Give God praise in spite of what you are going throug

Learn to forgive....

You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about limiting beliefs and how they hold you back from doing the things you want the most. Most people have a lot of limiting beliefs that affect their career, health, and current relationships negatively. But when it comes to single people who are looking for love, having their lives affected negatively is an understatement. Because our relationships affect every area of our lives, it’s important to get rid of the limiting beliefs that hold us back from finding the perfect person or having a great relationship. I see a lot of common limiting beliefs on Twitter and Facebook. I see them in the comment sections on popular dating blogs. I even hear them from my friends and their friends. And, it seems like they are getting stronger and stronger and making it really hard for single people to find real love. If you are single and want to find real love – the kind that makes you happy for the rest of your life – then you need to delete, discard, and repl

When to be persistent? There are times that you shouldn’t be persistent. For instance, when that guy or girl clearly doesn’t like you and has told you no two or three times when you ask them out, then it’s time to give up and move on. If you are too persistent in that case, you could get slapped with a restraining order! But, in most cases, persistence is something that can pay off for you in your career, health, relationships, and happiness. Before you go off committing to everything in your life, you need to know a few things about being persistent that will help you make the most out of your determination. 1. Negative Emotions Can Arise Unless You Are Laid Back Highly persistent people tend to have better health and happiness overall, but research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders shows that they can also have more negative emotions and anxiety than people who are not highly persistent, especially if they are not laid back and tolerant of failure, difficulty, or set

Have you ever heard anyone say, “My ultimate dream is to be average .” I haven’t. I don’t know anyone who’s born with a desire to be mediocre or to accomplish nothing in life. If you’re like me, you want to stand out, be special, the best you can be, distinctive. Well, that is also God’s desire for you. He does nothing haphazard, without purpose. It’s all meticulously planned. He determined our looks, personality, heritage, intelligence, and gender. So that means there is something specific He wants you to accomplish as you, with your blend of abilities. It may take awhile to know what it is, to develop into that you, and be totally comfortable with your uniqueness. I’m quite familiar with the journey. The struggle to accept my distinctiveness began early for me. Maybe it’s because I have seven brothers and no sisters. My mother said she went to the hospital each time hoping for a girl. On the seventh try her prayer was answered. I was born. Being the only girl among so many boys,

Regret is all about being sorry for yourself because of something you did, or because of something you did not do. Over 90% of us have a major regret in our lives.  In fact, according to a study conducted by professors at Carnegie Mellon University, regret is the second most frequently experienced emotion, only after love. Studies found that the top five regrets that people experience are about: romance, family, education, career and finance. Regret chains us to the past; we are stuck questioning all that we could have done differently. Yet, the path you took was not a mistake; the rough road polished and refined you. In fact, we will escape the hell of regret through two important steps: learning from the mistake and taking powerful action .  Mistakes set us on a course to change our lives. The hard-won knowledge ensures that we will take our time when making important decisions in the future. Realize that you have the power to change anything that robs you of your peace. No more bl

Learn to forgive

For centuries, poets and philosophers have written about our most human pain: a broken heart. Now scientists have confirmed the physical effects of a broken heart.  Broken heart syndrome, according to the American Heart Association, is actual pain in one’s heart caused by a surge of stress hormones brought on by sadness or an emotionally stressful event. Living with a broken heart dramatically impacts your quality of life. Although healing feels elusive, it's coming! Use these three ways to mend your broken heart: 1. Come alive with your purpose. Although people say that heartache heals with time, a passionate commitment to live in better alignment with our purpose aids the mending.  Each day we have a choice: do we flood our thoughts with the pain and details of our heartbreak? Or do we try--again and again--to live fruitfully? Our loved ones will support us as we find our way out of the dark.  Use your gifts to make the world even just a tiny bit better for those around you.  I

  Most married people have figured out that being married is not being in a relationship that is constantly fulfilling, exciting, romantic, and fun. A lot of married life is offending each other, frustrating each other, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness. I shared several months ago that I’m not so good at apologizing . It turns out, I still have a lot to learn about the art of forgiveness also. For instance, here is a real text conversation between my husband and I… Tony: I’ll be working late tonight. Me: You’re not serious. I have that party I’m co-hosting tonight. I need to be there no later than 6pm. Tony: Remembering now. No problem. I’ll be home by five. … Tony: Sorry. … Tony: I probably should have checked with you instead of informing you. … Me: … deflating… That text interaction took a total of 2 minutes, but his initial text to me that he’d be working late sent my mind on overload. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He might actually be joking since he knows I

Life is tough. I already get that! We all go through a stuggle, which often leads to frustration or a heart attack in some cases. A problem shared is a problem half-solved. Some may wonder how sharing their problems kickstarts the solution process. This is because sometimes, just letting something out calms you a little bit. It makes you believe that you are not in this alone. Ain't that a good feeling. I know sometimes you get tired of talking to people. Sometimes you just wanna be alone but alone is not that good. What some of us reli need is someone to talk to. Someone who would listen to us and hear our side of the story. That in itself is relieving. Well, just in case you have no one to talk to, because I care I'm very willingly to talk to you and share whatever problems you have. I cannot claim to have the perfect answers but one thing is certain, we can always work a way out. You can reach me via email on clarkekenze@gmail.com or via mobile on +2348157840415. I'

Domestic Violence is not limited to women being battered alone. However, women have being more on the receiving end overtime, due to the fact they are generally softer at heart and are perceived as the 'less strong' vessel. Its been often said that men who beat their wives, do it out of foolishness and not anger, 'cos that same anger is controlled when they are faced with a military personnel. Whatever the reason is, this menace must stop, as its fast becoming an all too common situation today, not minding the opprobium that it generates, both for the man and the woman. But the question that must be asked is why women who are going through this debacle, choose to remain in it. Well, there are no perfect answers but here are five possible reasons why they do this; 1. Money: This seems to be about the greatest raison d'être that makes some women remain in broken relationship. They wrongly believe that it is better to suffer in wealth than to laugh in poverty. 2. No W

Domestic Violence is not limited to women being battered alone. However, women have being more on the receiving end overtime, due to the fact they are generally softer at heart and are perceived as the 'less strong' vessel. Its been often said that men who beat their wives, do it out of foolishness and not anger, 'cos that same anger is controlled when they are faced with a military personnel. Whatever the reason is, this menace must stop, as its fast becoming an all too common situation today, not minding the opprobium that it generates, both for the man and the woman. But the question that must be asked is why women who are going through this debacle, choose to remain in it. Well, there are no perfect answers but here are five possible reasons why they do this; 1. Money: This seems to be about the greatest raison d'être that makes some women remain in broken relationship. They wrongly believe that it is better to suffer in wealth than to laugh in poverty. 2. No Whe